‘Sex is the lubricant in a relationship’


The importance of sex in a relationship cannot be over-emphasised. The point of being in a relationship is to make each other happy. Sex is fun, so I commend you for sharing your concern, and requesting for a solution. I will tell you to just relax and enjoy it. You do not need an excuse in order to engage or not engage in intercourse. The fact that it makes your spouse happy is all the reason that you need. I guess whoever came up with the slogan “Make love, not war” was certainly a smart person.

To understand its importance we need to ask and answer the question: Why do we have sex?

I can tell you that sexual motives go far beyond the ‘big three’ – love, pleasure, and making babies. There are more reasons why we have sex and it includes: Physical reasons -pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person. Goal-based reasons – to make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge. It is also for emotional reasons – love, commitment, or gratitude. For insecurity reasons – to boost self-esteem, or keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insisting on having sex). Or for commercial reasons or what some called ashawo but now known as agbelepawo in Yoruba.

For this particular situation you shared here, we have to look at it from a male point of view, and that may be hard at times. While women need the romance, the passion, and the chemistry to get the assurance and re-assurance that the love is alive and well, just as they need to be loved and cherished, and this is often through verbal signs of affection; men, on the other hand, are very straightforward and almost primal in their needs. They need to have sex in a relationship because it shows strength, agility and unity.

So, I will say sex is a physical, emotional, relational and a spiritual need. Sex is very important in a relationship as lack of sex or inadequate sex can lead to a breakdown in a relationship. The demand on you as you put it can actually be that it is a healthy release of your husband’s affection to you. When you’re in love with someone, you can’t get enough of them. You want to show them how much they mean to you, which is hard to do. That’s why sex is a great way to release the emotions and show how much love one have.

Sex with you helps him get to know you better. When you have sex with someone, they are letting you see a side of them that not many people have seen. That means you are special. Having sex helps him learn what makes you as his partner happy, and will let him know you better than anyone else does.

Sex reduces pain. A headache is not a reason to refuse sex. In fact, that is the reason why you should have it. When our emotional and happy hormones join forces during sex, pain has no other option but to run away. So, the next time your partner says he has something to take the pain away, you better believe it is true. Yes, headache or that feigned pain is an excuse not to get some sex, but please, let us not be petty.

Another reason is that it improves sleep. Are you sure he is not having trouble getting a good night’s sleep? Well, all you need to do is have an exciting round of sex, and both of you will be snoozing in no time. Orgasming releases a chemical in your body that relaxes you, which means it will be super easy to fall asleep in your lover’s arms.

Sex helps people stay smart as it increases blood flow to the brain, which means that, both of you will be more alert. If you have a lot of work to do, especially you as a caterer, having sex beforehand could actually help you. It will make your brain sharper.

You yourself will benefit as it will help in your bladder control. Having sex works out your pelvic muscles. So if you’re guilty of having to run to the toilet every five minutes, having sex can be the cure you have been looking for. The more orgasms you have, the stronger your pelvic muscles will become.

Sex causes healthier skin. If you are unhappy with your complexion, sex could help. A hormone called DHEA is produced during intercourse, which helps with a variety of things, including your skin. So skip the dermatologist or toning creams and hop into bed.

As I mentioned earlier sex is an emotional process. Yes, it is a physical activity but most men and women agree that there is much more to it than just seeing stars and losing calories as a bonus. You see, there is a good reason why ‘having sex’ is often replaced with ‘being intimate with somebody’. Sex starts with romance and ends with romance because both genders feel the need to cuddle after it. Furthermore, healthy sex life is a confidence boost for both genders – it proves that partners are still very much interested in all aspects of their relationship.

Did you know, for example, that couples who have sex often, demonstrate more feelings? They feel the need to touch, kiss and hug more often and have fewer problems with demonstrating this loving- lovely behaviour in public. You know why? It is because sex makes the body produce more oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feels the need to love and trust somebody.

The challenge we have in this part of the world is that we don’t talk about sex, freely. Women are embarrassed to talk about sex with their husbands so they are not seen as ‘whores’ or being unfaithful.

The truth of the matter is if you want to have a good relationship, sex must be discussed- i.e. what you want and how you want it. When sex is discussed in the home it gives room for intimacy, the moment a couple can discuss sex freely, they will be able to talk about anything and everything.  If the man is satisfied sexually it is unlikely that he will go out to seek extramarital affairs. Even though there are other things to be considered in this aspect.

To address the issue at hand, sex demand by your husband on you could be a stress relief for him. A real mood lifting activity for him. It will help him to forget all those problems; he will fall asleep like a baby and will have enough energy to face the next day feeling happy and rejuvenated.

Sex helps you too to live longer. Sex rejuvenates and heals wounds, makes him more flexible and less prone to various illnesses. It is a metabolism and immunity booster as it reduces the risk of stroke and fights the ageing process too. It is a perfect anti-aging method no lab could ever produce, bottle or sell.

couple in bed with relationship problems

You need to also understand that your man’s sexual demand on you could be that it makes him want it more each time. The more he has sex, the more he will want it. Doing this will increase your libido, which means that you will want to have sex more often with him, too. This occurs, because sex increases the blood flow and vaginal lubrication, which makes sex feel even better for you this time than it did the last time.

You should not be focused only on the benefits of sex for you, but for your partner as well. Sex reduces the risk of Prostate cancer. You might not have to worry about prostate cancer, but your partner does. If you want him to live a long, happy life then having sex with him can help make it happen.

Sex helps burns calories. Not only will your muscles become toned, but you could lose some weight. Losing 100 calories every half-hour or so doesn’t seem like much, but if you have sex multiple times a week, all of those calories will add up.

It is so unfortunate that some reasons why sex is not enjoyed in the family are based on hygiene and poor dressing from both sides even though it’s leaning more towards women. An example is body odour. It is so sad that a woman cannot tell the spouse about this because she feels it will offend him/her, whereas its offensive to him/her and it may not allow him/her to have erection/libido.

And again the way women dress at home, tying wrapper up and down or a man in funny looking attires kills the desire. Neglecting an appearance plays a negative role on sexual feeling. How can a woman leave the house in the morning without using roll on/perfume? Or want to sleep at night and won’t bath nor freshen up?  These are the little things that will make the men to go out and have affairs.

When sex is discussed, it will allow the couple to know if there is a problem where they need to seek help. For example, if the woman is always having pain during sex it might require seeing a doctor to establish the underlying cause/s. The man also may have erectile dysfunction (ED). There are some medical reasons why sex is not enjoyed and in this case the couple will have to see a therapist.

If you do not have enough sex in your marriage but both the partners love each other and are intimate with each other, the marriage lasts longer. But if you have enough sex but little intimacy or very little love and respect, your marriage may not withstand the test of time.

Some people just don’t have desire to have sex. It is important to understand this in a relationship. The question to ask is whether it is a medical issue or a relationship issue.

In cases where there are medical issues like infertility or diabetes, the couple will need to see a therapist to discuss how they can enjoy sex. Talking to a therapist is still a new thing in our society and this is the way to go. Sex is to be enjoyed not endured. Talk to a therapist today.

But there is more to life than sex. It is established that sex in indeed a very important part of one’s marriage. But yes, there is much more to life and a relationship than just sex. Marriage is about closeness, commitment and caring. Sex is important but not the most important or the only important thing.

But if both the partners value sex and need it more than anything else then yes, it becomes very important in the marriage.

Thus, importance of sex depends on the individual requirements of both the partners in the marriage. For some, sex forms the basis of the relationship while for some it is simply like any other factor. There are couples who are happily married even when being in a sex-less marriage. Especially the couples who are in their mid fifties and those who are busy following their hearts such as busy with their ambitious projects or embarking on a spiritual journey.

In final words, sex is the vital component in a functioning relationship, but it doesn’t have to be incredibly frequent. A couple just needs to know they have those moments of intimacy which only they share, and which binds them together.


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