In these Bachelorette-obsessed times, it’s easy to assume that everyone who isn’t already in a happily committed relationship is either desperate to find love, or they’re players. One blogger decided to choose a different path, celibacy, and she makes it sound like a pretty good (if difficult) option.
“This summer will mark five years since I have had sex,” Jasmine Turner wrote on her blog, Dreams of Jasmine. “It has easily been the most peaceful five years I’ve experienced to date. It hasn’t always been easy but I’m in it for the long haul and in the meantime, things have changed.”
After getting out of a three-year relationship, Turner said she is now “SUPER single,” particularly since she decided not to have sex with men she casually dates. “Let me tell you something; when you take sex off the table, your phone be REAL DRY.”
But the by-product of not dating is that Turner said she learned to thrive without male validation. Without seeing herself in the eyes of others, she has had the chance to get to know herself. That means she’s found a new pastime: “Making myself laugh, hanging out with myself.”
While hanging out with herself, Turner said she tries to sublimate the sexual desires she still has, rather than masturbate, because the act made her feel guilty. “Guilt is not of God,” she wrote. “I am free in Christ and no longer a slave to my flesh so I decided to cut that out too.”
When she does meet men, Turner said her celibacy has given her a clearer perspective on whether they’re right for her.
“I’ve also been able to humanize my brothers and not just see them as potential mates, so that’s nice,” she added.
While she didn’t actually plan this celibacy, she sounds like she’s achieved some of what monks (of many different faiths) plan to do when they vow not to have sex: “I’ve been letting the Lord change me from the inside out, walking with Him, traveling, making new friends, doing things I’ve never done before and five years just kind of happened!”
This is, of course, not the only way to achieve such things. There are also ways of turning inward without doing away with sex altogether. Yogis, for instance, sometimes reinterpret old teachings of celibacy (brahmacharya) into an asana practice meant to maintain one’s own vitality without spending it all on others.
Turner’s blog post earned her many thanks from readers going through similar struggles.
“This timing was clearly a God thing,” wrote elisejacksun on Instagram. “I NEEDED this. I NEEDED to come across your blog. Thank you so very much!!!
Justrhain wrote, “Saw your post and was excited to hear your story to know I’m not crazy out here. I’m in the same boat with you and so glad you shared.”
“This blog post was everything!” average.bianca commented. “The guilt, the shame, the struggle, the TRIUMPH, the VICTORY… I was over here shouting hallelujah towards the end! I just found your blog today but I will definitely be following. Thank you for this fresh, honest perspective.”
Turner may be single, but it seems she’s not alone.